I went for a dinner and came back with a more open mind. Who’d a thunk it?
The other day we got invited over to have dinner at the neighbors’ across the street. My daughters play with their son (Surya), and they are always going there, or he is coming here. They are an Indian (as in Delhi) family, and very traditional in many ways, including their food. Sometimes we send baking or treats home with Surya, sometimes they send Indian food our way. They’re always pleasant to talk to, but we really didn’t know much about them, since Surya was our only real source of information, and the kid has incredible imagination, which is hugely entertaining, but not always reliable.
I admit, I had preconceptions about them:
Surya is always talking about Indian gods, (they’re like super-heroes to him, I guess they have weapons) and I wondered what they thought or said about our beliefs.
Surya’s parents were an arranged marriage, and we privately wondered how in the world could someone do that!!?
Anyway we went for dinner, and the food was incredible. They described each dish and how it was made. I was blown away by how good it all was. Mostly though, I was surprised by how open-minded they were, how aware they were that some of their customs would be perceived oddly here.
The topic came up about their wedding, (the day they met!) and they were able to explain it in a way I hadn’t really considered: They explained how parents go to great lengths, arguably greater lengths than prospective couples, when picking a mate; how if parents truly know their kids and have the kids’ interests at heart, they can make excellent choices; how parents will likely ask important questions, about love, compatibility, and commitment, and aren’t swayed by the bling like kids can be. (How many of us have been attracted to someone based on how they dress, only to find out later it don’t matter?)
Seeing that we were genuinely interested in the topic, they brought out their wedding album and explained all the ceremony and rituals. It was super interesting, and very clear that it was right for them, a very proud and happy moment in their lives.
Now, I still don’t think that arranged marriages are my bag, but the visit really opened my eyes to how something that originally seemed so preposterous might make a little sense when someone gets a chance to explain their view.
In the end, a glimpse into a completely different culture and an opportunity to learn about something I never understood before, was always right across the street.
